| Sunday, July 8th, 2007 |
| 3:44 am |
Wow....
I just now remembered my live journal....and wow have I changed. As i read through my past entries i couldnt help going "WHAT THE FUCK!" apparently three years ago was a pretty messed up time in my life. I just want everyone to know I'm not that person any more. I mean yes i still have my problems but none as bad as they used to be. I no longer cut myself even though i recently just stopped. and even to this day i still have the urge..Me and my father have setteled our issues...well most of them at least lol. and I NO longer think about ending my life. I'm relativly happy now. I now have a little brother who is one, and that caused some issues in me and my mothers relationship but nothing i cant handle. I've found that taking drastic measures for something so small isnt a very good choice. When i see my scars to this day i always regret it but in a small way i cherish them. They remind me of who i used to be in the past and how i have overcome my problems. I still write but nothing as good as it used to be..probaly cause,according to my cousin, "usually good writing comes from bad life experiances", and nothing bad has happened to me. Besides the usual High School drama, and mother daughter arguments. But as you can tell life for me is good now..and now that I remembered my live journal I might update it...but i probaly won't unless i get really bored lol. If you wanna contact me heres my stuff:
Myspace-www.myspace.com/firefairy0304
Vampirefreaks-www.vampirefreaks.com/Scream_You_HeartOut
Thanks! Current Mood: coldCurrent Music: D'espairs Ray |
| Wednesday, September 29th, 2004 |
| 4:04 pm |
sorry
sorry i havent replied i have been skateboarding and stuff so i havent had enough time to get online but i MIGHT be on more than usual so whatever...talk to ya later....o wait i have a poem... "WHERE WE STAND" Is this where we stand? alone and cold nothing to do but imagine imagine a world where nothing goes wrong So i ask you Is this where we stand? THIS is where we stand Pain, hate, and suffering a place where everything goes wrong a place where peple rebel BUT, I will stand here no longer Im falling down I'll runaway and stand alone so...I'll ask, Is this where YOU stand? and here is another: "Trapt" Trapt in this cage that we call life Trying to pick the lock Avoiding the shock, Running away Day by day Only to fall Never getting far Screaming and yelling never getting help watching the world pass by knowing its a lie TRAPT IN THIS CAGE.....THAT WE CALL LIFE! last but not least: "SNAP" I keep falling and can't stand back up my back is punctured from the wounds that you make all the knifes Ive pulled out over and over again All the lies that Ive heard Day in, Day out I'm so sick of the blood that falls after every hit I take I need to watch my step you need to watch your back cause you dont know WHEN I'LL SNAP |
| Wednesday, August 11th, 2004 |
| 11:22 pm |
hey everyone
i havent "written" in here in that long so ill update you. I've been seeing a counselor...that I hate. but anywho I 'll type more Poems later. school has kinda been sucking ive been getting into a lot of fights and stuff but on the good side there is 2 HOT guys in my class...LOL! I'll talk to everyone.....BEYOND THE GRAVE!!!! |
| Saturday, July 24th, 2004 |
| 10:07 pm |
No Title
She tried cutting her problems away, but they never would go. The needle got bigger The cuts got deeper The blood got thicker, As she cried the night away. |
| 9:40 pm |
Goodbye
when I needed you, you werent there When I wanted to be alone, you were always there So, I'll ask you this once, I'll ask you this time Believe me when I say You were all that I needed You were all that I wanted But, you didnt like me too, so remember what I say to you. I don't want you here, But you won't go away So, i'll have to say goodbye...... So...... With a slice of a knife And with the trickle of some blood I'll say goodbye to you forever |
| Tuesday, July 20th, 2004 |
| 1:20 am |
I did it again....
I cut myself again....just cause I could.....i need some help but i wont find it here not on this earth..... I hate this world and its fith grade bullshit.....people piss me off all the time...they dont make my situation any better.......... |
| Thursday, July 15th, 2004 |
| 12:45 am |
Poem--Nightmare
This nightmare I live in. I'll never wake up. Even when you shake me, I'll never stand up. These dark clouds surround me, I'll never understand. The love that we shared, I'll never demand. |
| 12:26 am |
Poem--Forget--dosent rhyme but who cares!
I'll never get away From the hatered and the pain. When your stuck you forget, you forget who you are, and some one new appears. I try to hide my feelings inside, but you always seem to pull them outside. Thats when you meet, the person you hate. and sometimes we forget, but sometimes we just hide. |
| 12:18 am |
poem--Locked Away
If I stay here anymore, locked behind this door, I'll slowyl disappear, shifting through the year. Wondering when I'll escape, I'm starting to take the shape, of a person you never knew written on 7-9-04 |
| 12:10 am |
my dream
ok i had a dream the other day so here it goes: me and my mom were in a bank and she was opening an account and i was sitting in a chair listening to Yellowcard when these guys came in, now i dont remember it all BUt, they came in and robbed the bank and the cops and shit werent following what they wanted so they grabbed me and my mom and put us facing each other and held my mom back so she couldnt stop them, then they held a gun to my head and asked me any last words a evil but happy smirk came across my face....and i looked at her and said "thank god im going" she was in hysterics she was screaming and crying then she asked why and i said "so i dont have to deal with the world" and as soon as i got done saying that they shot me and all i could hear was my mom scream my name then i woke up...creepy....yes? |
| Saturday, July 10th, 2004 |
| 7:43 pm |
dad
im going to my dads today i dont want to so feel sorry for me...my friends are gone so im alone and the only friend i have is disappearing on me! somone rescue me please for my sake and ill save you...whoever you are |
| 3:28 am |
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
He fucked me over again...see why i dont let anyone in cause as soon as i do here comes the hate and pain, which i dont need...so many people will go away, but i'll be here to watch them and he'll be the first to go..... OH and P.S... Why dont we put it in the newspaper that i cut myself huh? would that be better for everyone out there who tells people other peoples business! |
| Friday, July 9th, 2004 |
| 12:58 am |
*sighs*
That bitch i call a man broke my heart today....now i could care less if he fell of the face of the earth..HEll....ill push him off....now im pissed at the world cause i can be thats the only real reason i have! now if you dont mind ill be off in a small dark room were none can see what i do to my arm........GOODBYE WORLD!!!! |
| Thursday, July 8th, 2004 |
| 6:26 am |
Poem--Alone Again
I sit in my room alone again. Wondering where to begin. this story is so long, I hate to tell you in this song. But it must get out, Before i shout. I cry watching the blood, waiting for someones love. Someones love..that ill never get! wrot eon 7-3-04 |
| 6:23 am |
Poem-Secrets
I try to forget, but this time I'll admit These things we cant undo, But I really hate you. These clouds cover my eyes, They also hide my lies. I take a path untraced, I'll keep my secrets incased Wrote on 7-4-04 |
| 4:32 am |
My Letter--Dont Hate
This is my letter to say goodbye even though I'll never use it, i just need to say: I hate this world I hate people I hate my dad who hates me back I hate my life....which hates me back..LOL This just goes to show when my arm bleeds this is what i think about. I know im crazy...but....whats normal? 7-8-04 |
| 3:59 am |
Poem--YOU
Crying in the night, I see a sight, A sight of your face, creeping into this place. Go away I don't need you here, I don't need you but your always there, I try to shut you out. I see yourface, or hear your name and i want to shout. GO AWAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Please, for me....your daughter..... wrote on 7-8-04 |
| 3:34 am |
Poem-Burn
I watch the fire burn, not wanting to learn. I think about it everyday. Not knowing the way. When it happens........It happens When it doesn't........It dosen't You'll never stop me, and you'll never see. So, I watch the fire burn...not wanting to learn |
| 3:30 am |
Poem---Survival
I look outside and see the rain fall, Across this worl i crawl. Not knowing if ill make it, Wondering if i can take it. Taking everything you throw, And its you I show, That i can make it, cause you mean nothing to me. wrot eon 7-7-04 |
| 3:28 am |
Poem---The End
I know everybody dies in the end, but I can'y wait, till your gone Cause everything you've done, I cant mend. And when your gone, I'll be happy. Its better when your not here. When your life ends, Mine will go on. wrote on 7-7-04 |
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